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Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Antonio's Folly

After last weeks rant about Switch, I thought I'd go a different route this time around, and tell you a story, just to lighten the tone. I'm good like that you know; I like to give you a bit of variety.

The story is about a man, lets call him Antonio. Antonio wanted desperately to be an actor, and he was very good at it too, but for many years the only work he could get was in adverts for tea bags, in which he would romantically pursue his neighbour lady in a sinister ploy to steal her instant beverage aids. Luckily for Antonio, the ads proved surprisingly successful and he was able to parley his fame and/or sexually predatory notoriety into big time network television roles in the US.

Tony Head in the Gold Blend adverts

Unluckily for Antonio, his judgment when it came to these roles was less than sound and he ended up in a show called Virtual Reality VII; a show roundly derided and swiftly canceled. Poor Antonio.

All was not lost though, because fast forward but a little time, and Antonio would find himself playing a pivotal role in a TV show so influential, so longevitudinal*, so downright good, that he became loved by many, thus cementing his place in the history books as an adorable duffer.  Of course, even the most logevitudinal shows have to end sometime and after 7 years it was back to looking for work again.

After some guff about a pair of lovable ex-cons being lovable while pulling off loveabley naff lovable crimes and a guest stint as someone called The Demon Headmaster on Primeval, he struck gold once more when he was cast, as The King no less, in a major BBC drama series about some famous wizard or other; I think his name is Catweazle.

Now, in something of a departure for Antonio, The King is a bit of a villainous role; his first attempt to play the 'baddie' on a long term basis. And would you believe, he's good at it! Well, as good as he can be, given that any true nastiness has to be restrained for a family audience, meaning that he is forever being talked out of doing bad stuff, or being foiled in a comedic fashion, or having a tender moment with his Son. Aww, isn't he just a big teddy bear? Don't you just want to hug him? Well, no actually, I want him to chop someones head off and throw their body from the battlements, but it doesn't look like I'm going to get it.

Ironically enough, in recent years the show has become progressively darker to the extent that, while we're never going to see Spartacus levels of gore, there was definite room for some creative despottery; ironic because one of the major milestones in said darkening was the killing off of The King. Oh Antonio, will nothing ever go your way?

King Arthur. Uther thinks he's shit.

But wait, what's this? An episode set several years after The Kings death, which sees Antonio back to play his characters vengeful spirit, determined to put an end to his son and heirs uselessness at Kinging. Like letting commoners be Knights; solution, kill the knights; and letting a commoner be Queen; solution, kill the Queen.

Gwen the Queen. Uther thinks she's shit.

At last, an opportunity for Antonio to show off his inner nutter and really go to town as the psychotic villain he only hinted at as Tea Bag stalker! Except, well, that's not what happened. Instead we got, well, I don't know what we got. Did he think he was in a 20's b/w silent movie? Did he think he was in a pantomime? Did he think the script made no sense and so didn't give a f*ck?

Uther as a ghost. Is shit.

Wasted your chance there, Antonio. Wasted your chance.

All of which was just a really long winded way of saying 'What the Hell did Anthony Head think he was doing in Merlin this week? He's so much better than that!' Great episode regardless though.

*That means long running, or having longevity. Yes it does. Yes it does!

1 comment:

  1. Have you seen Repo! The Genetic Opera?

    Utterly brilliant. And randomly insane.