Anything Frankie Boyle Can Do...

I realised something recently. You know that Fear Itself thing I wrote about the pilot of and said it wasn't very good? I've forgotten all about it. Seriously, it's entire existence slipped my mind. So I've seen 2 eps and that's it. That never happens, to me. I can remember shows that ran for 7 episodes on Saturday mornings when I was 12, but this...? How bland must this show be? 

Anyway, if I haven't been watching Fear Itself, what have I been watching. Well, as it turns out, not much. Unless you count The Tomorrow People but I'm sure people are sick of hearing about that show on here now. So all I'll say is S7 new boy Andrew, played by Nigel Rhodes, does a pretty mean Scottish accent, even though he isn't. Scottish, that is.

I'll never work again? Och, I dinnae believe ya.

Which doesn't really leave me much to talk about. So, er, what's everyone been up to? Any great TV watching stories to tell? At least one of you Countryfile fans must have orgasmed to John Cravens voice, at least? You can admit it, we're all friends here.

No? Well I guess it's down to me then. To produce content for this blog I mean, not induce orgasms in Countryfile viewers. I'll think of something...hang on...got it! No, it's gone.

Mmm...yeah...sheeps wool...soft and gentle...bush

This post will just have to be a random, disjointed mish mash of barely related comments, that has no flow, no point to make, and no merit whatsoever as a piece of writing. A bit like when Frankie Boyle writes his column for The Sun.

I still haven't gotten around to watching any of the DVD's I spotlighted in my 'Watching Soon' post. Not Jekyll, not Flash Gordon, not even Dangermouse. And now you can add Caprica to that list. I'll get to them soon, I swears.

What's the deal with Supernatural on DVD? When I needed S4 no-one had it. Everyone had 1-3 and 5, but no 4's. Now I want S6 and again there's a shortage. Even worse this time though, because all any shop I go in seems to have is a boatload of S1's. Is it any wonder people are abandoning the high street?

Jensen, Jared and Misha. Some people think they're hot. Can't see it myself.

I still think Wizards Vs Aliens is a cringey, tacky, low rent name for a TV show, young audience or not.

Game of Thrones S2 recently ended on Sky. I look forward to seeing it on DVD in September 2015.

But not for a long time

Who remembers Woof! ?

Saw the 1st season of the War of the Worlds TV show in HMV the other day. I'll be having that. I expected this show to come out on DVD to capitalise when the Cruise movie was released. Always thought it was a missed opportunity when it didn't. Unless it did, and they've been sitting in the same crate as all the Supernatural DVD's.

And not a sword wielding immortal in sight

Why has The Borribles not been adapted for the telly yet? Shearsmith and Pemberton to play the coppers.

I've just realised that the existence of American Horror Story in it's current form means Dark Blue must have been cancelled. I need to  get my finger back on the pulse.

Random pic of Candice Accola looking hot. Just because.

And that's the end. No point, no proper conclusion, just a random bunch of waffle about not much. Hope you enjoyed. Or didn't. Or whatever. At least the pictures were nice, right? 

The only thing to fear is... stories that make no sense

Short one this week.

Well, that was pants.

A couple of Friday nights ago 5* launched a new series; or new to them, anyway; called Fear Itself, a horror anthology from Masters of Horror 'creator' Mick Garris. Purporting, as Masters of Horror did before it, to be a TV showcase for movie directors synonymous with the horror genre the show launched with an episode called The Sacrifice, directed by the man who brought us Sahara and the remake of The Crazies. One wonders if, given the brief of bringing name horror directors to the small screen, he wasn't perhaps an odd choice to launch the series.

The series didn't fare well in it's native United States, being canceled early with episodes left unaired, and it's clear from this premiere why. Without wishing to put too fine a point on it, it just wasn't very good. At all.

Of course, some would say hat it's hard to make a decent assessment of a series, especially an anthology, from one episode; if one story is poor then the next, with different cast, crew, writer and director, could be a masterpiece. You can never tell. To an extent, that's correct; I would never judge a series of this type based on a single viewing of, say episode 7. Episode 1 though, is different. It's launch night, it's the big premiere, it's their one and only chance to make a first impression; don't try to tell me they aren't going to put their best foot forward.

No, the decision was made that The Sacrifice was the best of the early crop. And The Sacrifice was poor. I'm not here to cast aspersions on the director though; the story was a shambles. I know there is a tendency to often blame directors for mangling decent scripts but considering the relative obscurity of this one, and the fact that showrunner Garris was credited as a writer, I'm willing to bet the man with the pen wielded more influence than the man with the camera on this occasion.

I shan't go into detail about the myriad plot holes and blatant absurdities in the story, but suffice to say that Garris and co-writer Del Howison should be ashamed of themselves. There isn't a shred of logic to the thing; I don't possess the sharpest of critical minds and it usually takes me a while after viewing something for all the flaws to coalesce in my head but on this occasion I was swearing at the TV throughout.

The biggest problem with the story goes a little something like this; we are told that the mysterious young women that have been acting very shiftily throughout are the last in their family, which has guarded this deadly creature for centuries. Then at the the end, they kill it in a manner which had been open to them all along. It's not even that these 'guardians' were stupid and needed an outsider to show them the way; the plan to kill it, when they devise it, is theirs, with the 'hero' being nothing but a redundant onlooker. So why didn't they, or their ancestors for that matter, kill it long ago?

So the whole thing was entirely avoidable. A pretty big flaw, to be sure. There are many others, including the girls treatment of the ill traveler, the whole problem of breeding, and the logistics of just what was happening with their father, but as I say, I won't go into them. I just wanted you to know that I recognised them.

I predict that Fear Itself will not be missed when it's short run of episodes comes to an end. There are episodes to come from Stuart Gordon, John Landis and Saw Dude who at least qualify as horror guys, so maybe it won't be terrible, but I doubt it will be any kind of classic. A shame.